I have imaginary armies of soldiers who I send in to battle the cancer every night, and every spare moment I have.

The first army of American marines was given to me by my lovely children during the summer of 2011. A nurse had been coming to my home to help me with my tummy injections. She was full of hope and encouragement and she confided in me that she had a friend who fought her cancer with imaginary armies of cancer killing cells. This gave me the idea to create my own imaginary armies. My kids even gave me an army hat to wear when I was meditating and sending the marines in to slash and burn the cancer inside me! We all found it quite hilarious at the time, but underneath it all there was the serious business of staying alive.

I suddenly found that I began to sleep at night; after “sending in the armies of marines” there was little left to do at night any more but to relax and let them take the strain of the fight. And do you know what? I really trusted them. I stopped worrying and left it all to them to sort out ready for the next day.

I feel that the marines were, and still are, fantastic at entering my bones and flushing out anything untoward. I also imagined a ring of marines round my neck and round the primary tumour site to keep the cancer from entering my brain or spreading.

The second army I was given by a dear friend. I was worried about my lungs. The imaginary armies of marines were tackling the cancer in my liver well, but they were finding the mountainous terrain of my lungs rather difficult! My friend had been due to attend a burns night the evening I asked her opinion on the matter. She told me “that’s simple darling! You need soldiers who like to mountaineer” and it occurred to us straight away that an army of Scottish warriors would stand the terrain well. So came the birth of my Scottish armies. From then I wore her fancy dress wig with a little tartan hat while I meditated too. At this point I had lost my hair to chemotherapy and the wig came in useful to keep out the cold. Needless to say, the kids found this hilarious as well.

Over the next few months I collected a range of armies for every occasion and terrain:

Ghurkas, from a wise lady who lives in town- she said you can’t find a more aggressive army; ethopian tribal warriors from my midwife friend– they have long spears and can poke at the least accessible cancer; bomber planes from my husband; I had a dream where my mother gave me little ghosts I like little “Caspers” to help mend damaged cells in my bones (maybe I need to ask her for more right now as I’ve just discovered that I’m neutropenic again -writing this in August 2014) and to mend damage anywhere I need it; I gave myself the power of a large team of soldiers who are constantly busy cleaning away the damaged cells and disposing of unwanted trash in my system; another friend gave me chemotherapy tanks to spray the cancer with fire and chemicals (both from chemotherapy drugs and the food I eat) to destroy it.

I seem a little mad perhaps? Just wait till I tell you about the fairy dust that my teacher friend gave me recently!